Some advice for hard times abroad:

I have done, what I'm sure most AFS students do. I went through all the orientations, read all the booklets, and completely ignored the advice they gave me. I never thought I'd be the one who was having problems with their host family, but I am. I thought I was strong enough to get past culture shock and homesickness without a tear, but I wasn't. These things hit me, they hit me hard, and I was completely blind to their source. I thought everything was the problem, but myself. I pointed fingers at my host family, at my town, at my school, at AFS, but not until today did I realize that all of those people, they're all just trying to help.

 I'm my own problem. I am holding myself back. I am living in comparison heaven. "They don't get along like my family at home does." "The style here is so much worse." "The classes are so much easier" "I'm embarrassed by my family." ect. It was never ending. That's when I realized, AFS knows what they're talking about when they make their motto, "It's not bad, it's just different." If I wanted same old Delaware, I should've stayed in Delaware. I laugh when I look at these things now because even though it is so different here, it is so the same as well. My family doesn't always get a long perfectly either, but we still love each other more than anything. The style anywhere depends on the person! I could wear a trash bag and rain boots to school and that would be my style, but I prefer jeans. The classes are easier?? How is that bad? Thank god Ms. Miller put me though math classes when I thought my brain was actually going to explode, because she set my up for success here. And who isn't a little embarrassed by their family? I know my family can be so embarrassing back home sometimes, but that doesn't mean I love them any less!

Basically what I'm trying to say is that nothing in life will ever be perfect, but it's how we deal with those imperfections, how we learn to accept them, live with them, and even love them, that makes us who we are. I knew I was taking a risk by being an exchange student, I knew there were going to be ups and downs, but I never thought they would be so dramatic, and so close together. Some days I feel like I might be going into depression, all I want to do is shut myself in my room, curl up with my grandmother's blanket and listen to John Mayer, and other days I'm bouncing off the walls, so excited to go out, speak spanish, and make new friends.

So to all current AFS students, or future AFS students, please keep your head up. I know that during the hard times, all people can say to you is, "It will get better." But by sitting in your room, skyping with old friends, and avoiding all contact with spanish people, it will not get better. (I say this from experience) You need to put in the effort to get something in return. Talk to people. But don't talk to people back home. Talk to your AFS liaison, they know exactly how you are feeling and they give the best advice. Talk to fellow AFSers. They are most likely feeling the same thing and together, as long as you stay positive, you can help each other. And talk to your family. If they don't know you're unhappy, they will never change. They are volunteers. They are not being paid for this. They did this because they want you to be happy, they want you to experience a new culture, to have the time of your life, and to feel like you have people who love you while you do it.

It takes time. It takes time to build trust, to form relationships, to get used to a new language and a new culture. It takes a lot of time. But that's why you are there for 9 months, not 9 weeks. I know that in between time sucks. I made it so much harder on myself, instead of just enjoying my time here. As long as you try, nothing can go wrong. Either you adjust and you're happy, or you figure out the problem and you fix it. I know this quote is so overused but seriously, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination." I love being happy. And I seriously missed being happy and not forcing a smile or laughing at something I didn't understand. Being honest with yourself is the first step.

If anyone is reading this and wants help or advice on anything PLEASE email me. mobrien1300@gmail.com  I'll be happy to help.

Keep smiling!

Second Day of School

I just wanted to write a post about my second day of school so I can reasure you that I'm not dying over here. I know I left the first day of school post a bit depressing... I'm sooo happy to say that the second day was extremely better. I have begun to know some of my classmates names already, and word is quickly spreading around school that there's an American here. When I walked into my 5th period arts class, a group of girls pointed at me and said, "Ay! Ella es la americana!" (Hey! She's the american!") So I'll go through my schedule today:

Biology- The teacher is an old women who couldn't be sweeter. She speaks slowly so I can understand and she uses a lot of examples and shows pictures so I can follow along with the other students. All the seventh grade biology is still yet to come back to me but I have hope for this class.

Physics and Chemistry- The first class that I haven't known anyone. A nice girl sat next to me but we didn't talk much. The teacher seems funny, well at least the students laugh at him a lot, but I can't understand him. He speaks very fast and doesn't pronunciate. Also he made a joke out of me coming from USA but I didn't catch it.

Lengua- Definitely going to be the hardest class. It's equivalent to our english classes back home. Essays, short stories, books on books on books. I talked to the teacher after class and she was very nice and said she totally understands that the first few months are going to be hard for me. So phew that's out of the way.

English- I was so excited for this class because I thought I would ace it but the whole hour we were in class, there was not one word of english spoken. The teacher says she wants to move me out because it will be too easy but I want to stay because it will be the only class I can actually excel in.

Art- The teacher speaks a little bit of english, and she seems knowledgeable about all the in things. She talked about Facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogspot, ect. not sure exactly how that relates to art but yea...

Bilingual History- This is my favorite class so far. I found two girls that are funny and nice to sit with right in the beginning. Most of this class is in english so it will be easier for me. It's fun because the teacher and students rely on me to translate complicated sentences, or fix a pronunciation issue. The teacher doesn't know how to control a classroom though, and the students take advantage of it so much.  He kinda resembles a bird, so whenever he turns his back to the room, some of the students spread their  arms into wings and make bird like sounds just loud enough for the teacher to hear. I can tell this will be an entertaining class.

This emotional rollar coaster that I'm on is throwing me everywhere. It's crazy how fast my mood can change. I've just got to make the best out of everything. Days like this remind me that I actually can do this.

First Day of School

First thing I learned today: follow the advice of people who went before you. Against everyone's advice, I decided to wear a dress. I love dresses and I wear them all the time at home so I thought it'd be normal! When I got to school, I was the only girl not wearing skinny jeans and converse. I could not have stuck out more in my pink dress. Everyone looked my way when I walked by, knowing I was new. The good thing about today is I didn't have to talk much. Just like back home, the first day, the  teachers talked about their class, expectations, blah blah blah. At least I could understand it back home. Here, no matter how hard I tried to pay attention, I would space out after 5 or 10 minutes. By last period "Lengua" (Language) class, my brain was fried.

me on the first day!

I expected people to be more welcoming. The teachers never really addressed me, but it was clear they all knew I wasn't from Spain. Only the biology teacher tried to have a conversation with me, which only lasted a minute or two because there was nothing we could talk about. As for the students, they were as chaotic, troublemaking, and talkative as any highschooler. The hard thing is, I know that if I were back home, I'd be the one socializing with my friends in the hallways, running up to people I hadn't seen all summer to give them hugs. Today though, I was that awkward new kid. I went to the class I was suppose to and I sat where I was suppose to, without talking to anyone. I've never been a new kid before, so it was odd. I did think though, that the students would be more welcoming. At least at my school back home, whenever there's a foreign exchange student, everyone wants to get to know them. No one would ever be mean to a foreign exchange student. But this school is not my school. At their equivalent of recess, I was once again awkwardly standing with a group of my host sister's friends and a group of guys kept looking at me. They would say something, obviously I don't know what, and then point, or laugh, or jump around from excitement. I just hated it because there was nothing I could do, definitely nothing I could say, so I just stood there and let them make fun of me.

Sometimes during the day, it took every once of strength I had not to cry. Being in a strange school, with a bunch of kids I have never met, all speaking a language I know just a little about... It was a lot. Everything at once is hard. Having a hard time at home, and then going to school and also having a hard time.. it's just not fun. It's only the first day so I hope that it will get better. Everyone keeps saying it will but they don't have to live through the hard times.

I really wish I had someone to go to. Not someone online, someone who's actually in the room with me. Someone who can comfort me and give me advice and make me laugh when I'm about to cry. I miss having that.

So the first day of school was hard, and i'm sure there will be many more hard days, but I'm still hopeful. I'm not giving up.

The first week

They always say the beginning is the hardest part. I knew from the very beginning that it would be
"hard" but I didn't know just  how hard it actually would be. The first day was the worst. I realized just how little spanish i knew when I met my family for the first time. I literally felt like i ran into something. I was tired all of the sudden, and i couldn't even say basic sentences. I almost fell asleep on the 10 minute drive from the train station to the house! It was awkward at first. Everything was awkward. Showing me around the house that was going to be mine for the next nine months and all i could say was, "Oh! Me gusta!" or, "Si.. está bien!" I didn't know their routine. I didn't know how their family worked. And there was no way that they could tell me because i wouldn't know if they were talking about politics or what's for dinner.

Just like any week, anywhere in the world, there are good moments and bad moments. I can look back on this week and say, "Yea, it sucked that first night, not knowing the people that i was with and not being able to say anything. And yea, I get frustrated with myself sometimes when i just can't say something i want to say" but i can also say that i had some really good moments. Those random moments when i can't pronounce the double l (it's like the "y" in yes but more direct) and my family will laugh at my attempts or when i got a strike while bowling the second day.

When I have a bad day, I just remember those good moments and know that there are so many more to come and it helps. I just want school to start because I haven't met very many people and I want to make some friends of my own. Once the language becomes easier, everything will become easier. So for now.. I'm ok with making mistakes and I'm ok if people laugh at me because I know that when I leave, I will be almost, if not totally, fluent in spanish, and that is awesome!

Here are some pictures of my week:

Mi Familia

Posada de Llanera (Town within walking distance)

Our first skype session! Miss them all so much

The flight over!

Asturias from the bus

The last few days

These last few days in the US have been emotional, stressful, and a lot of fun. I've said goodbye to so many people, my bags are stuffed full and all zipped up. I am currently living off of old tshirts and soffee shorts. I'm constantly going around my room and saying "oh hey.. maybe i should bring this?".  I swear i've weighed my suitcase 2345896 times to make sure it fits the precise 44lbs requirement.

The weirdest thing is that even though I leave everything i've ever known in 2 days, it still hasn't hit me. At different times it has hit each of my friends but it all seems so surreal to me. I think it's just because i'm too busy making sure everything is packed and where it should be and i don't leave my room a complete mess for a whole year. Even though it would probably be like that if i was here anyway.

It's insane to think that at this time in one year I will be fluent in a whole other language and i will have a million memories and a bunch of new friends and even a family in Spain. I honestly can't even imagine it because everything in my life so far can't even compare to that. There's nothing that can prepare me for this so i'm just embracing the fact that I will be totally lost for the first few weeks. Let's hope their charades are good because speaking spanish will definitely be a problem in the beginning. I just hope people are understanding of my difficulties.

Next time I blog I'll be in Spain!! Craziness....