Turron, Noche Buena, and a whole bunch of differences

"There's no place like home for the holidays no matter how far away you roam. When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze, for the holidays you can't beat home sweet home." My first holidays away from home! I'm warning you, this is my longest post yet. Go ahead, scroll down and see for yourself. I just have sooo much to tell you!

Turron de Tres Chocolates

We started the Christmas season around the second week of December by putting up the small Christmas tree in the corner of our living room, and spending several hours precisely arranging the gold and red ornaments throughout the branches. My host mom put various candles and decorations throughout the house and there was definitely a Christmas feeling in the air. She also bought boxes and boxes of turron. If you've never tasted turron, which I'm assuming many people in the US haven't, you're definitely missing out. There are endless types, almond, chocolate, fruit, nuts ect. but my personal favorite, not to surprise anyone, is the triple chocolate. (note to fellow Spain AFSers: run to the nearest Alimerka and buy this before they get rid of it. You will not regret your 2 euros) Since the beginning of December, there has always been a box of turron in the pantry for after lunch, mid-afternoon, after dinner, or perhaps a little snack before going to bed. I made a joke with my host family that after January 1st, all we are eating is lettuce and tomatoes. No but I actually wasn't joking. They know me so well now that after I eat a lot, they jokingly say, "A correr??" (To run?) That's what i feel like i do here, eat and run, eat and run.

So the real festivities started on Christmas Eve, known as Noche Buena (good night) here in Spain. It's actually bigger than Christmas Day. So I started the day by running (big surprise). Crazy thing was I went running in a tshirt and shorts. The past days have been hot here. Totally opposite from home right? Didn't you guys have a white Christmas? What a dream :) So after my run, Lucia (my host sister) and I ran some errands for my host mom. We picked up groceries for the big feast that night, went to the movie store to rent a chick flick, and went to the cellphone store because Lucia wants a new phone for kings day. When we got home, we had a normal lunch followed by siesta. Around 5:30, Lucia and I went out on the street to meet some friends. We headed back early, around 8, because it was cold and raining. At home, we ate potato chips and watched tv together until 9, when we all went out as a family to the local bar. As tradition in Spain has it, with our drinks, the bartenders gave us free food. More potato chips anyone? By the time we got back home around 10, I was definitely not ready for the mountain of food I was about to eat.

We started with small foods to pick out, like appetizers. There was jumbo shrimp, cheeses, ham, bread, pate (delicious spread of chicken liver. I swear it's better than it sounds) and other spreads. I could've stopped there, but no. Next, we had a full bowl of noodle soup. The main dish was the neck meat of a cow I think. Sounds a bit bizarre but it was so tender and literally melted in your mouth. And the desserts.. oh the desserts. By the time they took out the chocolate mousse, lemon tart, and various chocolates, I was eating for my heart, not my stomach. I had a little chocolate mousse, a small slice of lemon tart, and a cube of chocolate. You have to try everything right?! Let's just say that I probably set a record for the biggest food baby ever after I finished. I couldn't bring myself to move off the couch so there I sat, for the next hour and a half with my family watching some random movie. I slept quite well that night.

Christmas day, I woke up at 12:30. That would NEVER fly in my house back home. The level of excitement I have usually wakes me up at 6:30 and I run into Matt's room to wake him up (and he is always so happy to see my face bright and early christmas day). That's how Christmas morning always worked for us. We would sit together in Matt's room waiting and waiting for what seemed like forever for Grandma to get situated in the living room. Then Mom and Dad would knock on the door and we would run down the stairs; balls of energy, faces lit up in excitement on Christmas morning. But as I knew very well before today, Christmas in another country is completely different. I just didn't realize how different it could be.

So I woke up, half slept walked into the kitchen, and prepared myself my usual oatmeal and yogurt breakfast. I sat there alone, watching the travel channel because there was nothing else on, and eating. It took me a minute or two to register that hey, it's Christmas! My immediate surge of excitement very quickly fell as I looked around and saw the reality. I was eating breakfast alone, at 12:30, without a hint of gifts, in a foreign country on Christmas Day. Well I'm a positive person so I thought, at least I have the rest of the day ahead of me to see what happens on Christmas in Spain and if all else fails, I still get to skype with the whole fam tonight. As I finished my breakfast, my host parents and my sister came into the kitchen in their sneakers and workout pants. "Hola! Buenos dias!" They were going on a walk to the beach and were wondering if I wanted to come. Perfect! I thought. Anything to get my mind off of being homesick. The walk was refreshing and beautiful. The ocean was so blue. In that moment, even though I forgot it was Christmas, I also forgot why I was sad and I just enjoyed being by the beach. The ocean really is a magical place.


So the rest of my day consisted of a regular lunch followed by siesta, watching about 5 old tv episodes, writing a few letters, and wishing my friends back home Merry Christmas. Some friends came to my pathetic rescue by inviting me over around 6. We played Just Dance on the wii for 2 hours straight. The last time I played Just Dance was with one of my bestfriends Claire Pearce at her beach house over the summer. I'm pretty sure we spent a whole day playing. Such good memories. Happy birthday my love <3

In most houses in Spain, they don't celebrate Santa Clause. They say it's an American tradition. Instead, they give their presents on kings day, also known as "Los Reyes Magos." But that will be another blog post.

My highlight of Christmas Day was definitely my skype with Matt and then the entire family at my house back home. It was great to talk to everyone; Aunt Ann, Katie, Emily, Jack, Patti, Joe, Joshua, Kenan, Grandma, Uncle Doc, Aunt Kathy, Aunt Mary, Uncle Gary, Maria, Mom, Dad, and even Pepper wearing his reindeer antlers. I hope I didn't forget anyone! I really felt like I was there with them; making jokes, laughing, and catching up. A big kiss and hug to all of you! Thanks to Matt also for sharing another amazing video blog about Christmas in France. I love having a brother abroad at the same time as me. Even though I know it's really hard for my parents, he's the first person I go to when I need to vent or when I'm homesick because not only is he family and he knows me more than anyone, but he's also going through a lot of the same stuff I am. Love you so much big bro. Sorry for getting all sappy on ya ;)

So as I sit here, just a few minutes of Christmas left, I'm okay. There were moments of my day when all I wanted to do was cry. When all I wanted was to reach through a computer screen and hug everyone I loved who were on the other side. When I wanted to stay in bed all day but instead forced myself to get up and live. Yea, Christmas was different this year, but hey, so is my whole life. I'd be silly to think that christmas away from home would be easy, but just like every experience I've had here so far, I can say that I made it. I can say that it taught me so much about myself, and that it will get better. It will always get better. So if I can't find a little Christmas spirit, I'll make some of my own. I'll listen to my Christmas music and continue to smile.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I love and miss you all

Thankful

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the US, but in Spain, it's just another thursday in November. I asked my host family today if they knew what Thanksgiving was. They looked at me with confused faces. "Es una fiesta" (It's a holiday) I tried to explain. "Es parecido a la Navidad sin el religión y los regalos." (It's similar to Christmas without religion or presents) Still confused... "hmmm es un dia cuando los personas coman un monton de comida." (It's a day when people eat a ton of food) Aaah there ya go. Food. A universal sign of a good time. I also explained to them the translation of Thanksgiving, "Dando los gracias". I think they liked the idea.

After I described the typical food eaten at Thanksgiving, my host mom, Beatriz, starting making an apple pastry.  "No vas a perder una fiesta sólo porque estás en España!" (You aren't going to miss a fiesta just because you're in Spain!) she told me. "Cuando tu familia esté comiendo una tarta de manzanas, tu tambíen vas a comer una tarta de manzanas!" (When your family is eating an apple pie, you are also going to eat an apple pie!) So I will have a taste of Thanksgiving here in Spain this year!

I'll miss the famous "Patti Paulus sweet potatoes", and the time I get to catch up with all my older cousins, aunts, uncles, and family friends (who are more like family by now) this year, but I'm looking forward to my late night skype with all of them :)

Just because I'm not eating "un monton" (I like that because it sounds like mountain, which basically sums up the amount of food the average american eats on thanksgiving) of food this year on Thanksgiving, that doesn't mean I won't forget the true meaning of the holiday.

This year especially, I feel so thankful for so many things. I guess being away from home has really made me realize just how lucky I am. I just wanted to list a few things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving,

• My Mom, Dad, and brother, who never for a moment made me feel alone when I was so far away from them. I never realized how lucky I am to call them my family until I had to leave them. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and even though we can only talk through a computer screen, our relationship has grown so much in these three months. I miss them everyday but I know I'll be seeing them soon. 

• My best friends back home. When I said I left a piece of my heart in Delaware, I meant it. These girls never failed to make me laugh when I was in the worst mood, or just to brighten my day by sending a letter. I love seeing their beautiful faces on snapchat and I can't wait to tackle them all in June. But until then, I hope they have an amazing sophomore year and never forget they have a best friend in me. (Henar, you too!)

• My AFS friends- Megg, Cameron, Paige, Esther, Jonah, Lani, Alli, Luca, and Maele to name just a few. They are probably the only people who will ever understand exactly what I'm going through. They're crazy, loud, and obnoxious and I love them all so much.

• La familia Menendez-Cosmea- They welcomed me into their house in days notice, and from the very beginning made me feel like a part of their family. They made me realize how important it is to have a family, no matter where you are, and they even put up with my obsession of christmas music months before christmas season starts. 

• Anyone who reached out to me over the past 3 months. You are the reason that I could do what I'm doing with a smile on my face and confidence in my step. The amount of support from back home is amazing and I will be forever thankful for that. 

So for all you back home, have an amazing Thanksgiving. Watch football, stuff your faces, and spend time with your family, but don't forget to also just take a second to look at your life and think about the things you're grateful for. I mean, that is the reason for the holiday after all, right? 

Gobble gobble
Un besito <3

Begin Again

The truth is I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for awhile now, but I don’t know where to start, or what to say, or how to possibly explain all of the emotions I’ve had in the matter of two weeks. I guess I will never be able to explain to anyone the things I have felt, or the reasons I acted the way I did, because even I don’t know. But I’m writing this blog to keep everyone back at home updated, and to future exchange students. So for the folks back home, I’m great now, don’t worry about me, and for the future, courageous exchange students, this probably won’t happen to you. I don’t want you to get discouraged, but I want you to know the possibilities, all the different angles that your exchange could take, and I want you to embrace every single one. They all make up the great experience you’re about to take.

So let me start from the end of one experience, and tell you about the beginning of a new one.

Friday, October 19^th , I got on a bus with my AFS liaison and two afsers in Oviedo to go to the AFS orientation camp in Ponferrada. Those two days with my afsers were some of my favorite times in Spain. I love them all so much and they will never know how much they helped me. Just simply making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry or spontaneously doing yoga, or maybe playing Never have I ever at 3 in the morning. I am so thankful that I had such a strong support system in AFS. Not only the other students, who understand me more than anyone ever will, but also the volunteers. They told me the truth, even when I didn’t want to hear it, but in the end they were there to hug me and wipe my tears. I can’t wait to see all of them again in February. Un besito para todos <3

On Sunday, October 21^st  , I switched host families. I’m being general because it’s personal, and simply not my place to share. AFS, my old host family, and I, all agreed that the switch was necessary and for the best of everyone. As my AFS friend Megg said, “Switching was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I don’t wish it on anyone, but if you have to do it, do it.” I’m not going to linger in the past and bring up all the mistakes I’ve made, or the mistakes that I think others have made, instead, I’m going to take those as my tools for the future. Because of this experience, I know what I need to do now. Even though it was one of the hardest days of my life, I look back at it now, and am so thankful that I went through with it.

So on the night of Sunday October 21^st an AFS volunteer, Yolanda, picked me up and drove me to her small quaint town of Navia. I felt like an innocent baby. I had no idea where I was going, I was going to be living with someone I had only known for a few hours, and I had no idea what the future would hold for me. I just laid back, and admitted the fact I was completely powerless, and let the wind take me on it's course. I was emotionally and physically drained, yet Yolanda and I  talked the whole two hours nonstop. I woke up Monday morning feeling fresh. There were no more tears on my pillow, just beautiful Navia sunshine through my window. Since Yolanda is a teacher at the public school in Navia, I would be attending it for the week until they found me a new family. In classes, everyone was so kind to me. No one tried to pester me into telling them the details of why I’m here, they all just accepted the fact an American was going to attend their school for a week and they made it work. During classes I tried to pay attention, but I couldn’t stop thinking. My mind was always racing with questions. Where will I be in two weeks from now? Could I be in Madrid? What if my family doesn’t speak Spanish? Will I live in an apartment or a house? Will I live in a city or in the middle of nowhere? It was like I was back in my house in Delaware, waiting for that first host family information email. Every possibility was open. Even though these thoughts were racing through my head, I told myself that at this point, whoever takes me in, will be doing it out of the bottom of their heart and that’s all that matters. But I couldn’t help but wonder…

 So as each day went by in Navia, I felt like a new person. No, not a new person, just more like me. 

I began to explore the town on my runs, down to the beach, through the woods, and down old alleys. It was small, but beautiful. When the sunsets in the evenings, it casts beautiful purple, blue, orange colors across the sky before it sinks between the mountains. I took a picture yesterday on my run.

On Friday, October 26^th, I packed up my bags for the third time in two months, and Yolanda and I drove to my new host family’s house, in Navia! Turns out that a girl in my class had told her mom about my situation and they lovingly decided to take me in! I was beyond excited to be able to stay in this beautiful town.

So now, I’m writing this blog post from my green, comfy couch, in my study. I’m living in an apartment 2 minutes walking distance from the center of Navia, with a sister, and host parents. I feel so fortunate to be with them and I haven’t been this happy, smiled this much, or felt more loved in two months. I think I’ve already fallen in love with Navia.

I guess things do have a way of working out in the end. 

One Month: The differences

Wow. As I look at my calendar on my desk, I realize just how short one month is. When I look at the highlighted days from the 5th of September, until today, the 6th of October, I can remember every single one of those 32 days. Every emotion, every laugh, every moment when I thought I would give up, and every moment when I thought, "Wow, I can actually do this." I'm so happy to look at the past 7 days and remember how happy I was. Since my last post, I have really just started enjoying Spain. As I look ahead, it seems like an endless number of days until June 29th. I know from almost every single person who went abroad, that those days will seem long, but the months will fly by and before I know it, I will be on a plan back home. Wow, I just got goosebumps writing that. I'm just happy right now that I'm not longer in a rush to countdown those days.

So for the past month, I have been writing down all the things about spanish life that have stuck out at me. The differences:

Shoes are ALWAYS worn in the house: This is mostly because they don't have carpets in Spain. Like the literally don't exist. So the tile gets pretty cold, especially in the winter. When I bought a pair of slippers in forever21 with Margo Tschantz a few weeks before I left, I never thought I'd be wearing them every single day in spain :)

Hands are always shown at the table: It's rude if you have your hands in your lap and it's totally acceptable to have both your elbows on the table. Totally the opposite from back home, right Mom?

At a store, you don't slide your card, the cashier does: I learned this the hard way the first time I went shopping. Everyone freaked out when I slid my card and I just stood there like the dumb american they think I am.

Bagels do not exist in Spain: Oh how I miss my daily everything bagel with cream cheese :( But now I'm obsessed with having golden graham cereal with hot chocolate. Much more acceptable.

Kisses, Kisses and more kisses: Whenever you greet someone, whether you know them or they're a complete stranger to you, you kiss their left cheek and then their right. This was hard getting used to, especially when my friends at school would introduce me to other guys in my grade and I would have to kiss them. It just felt weird to me because that would be so strange in the US. Thank god I haven't messed up the directions yet because that could end badly....

Mierda ≠ Miedo ≠ Mienta : (Shit/ Scared/ Lie) These words are sooo close but if you mix them up, it's just awkward...

No one runs on the road: That's what gyms are for I guess.. but I always run on roads and I love being outside, exploring and learning what's around me. I've gotten used to the confused stares from the old farmers, and the violent barks from the shepherd dogs.

Everyone has two last names: Instead of totally getting rid of the wives last name, the Spaniards keep them both, but no one has a middle name. When formally referred to, people will say their father's name first and then their mothers, but usually they just use their fathers. When two people get married, they both drop their mother's names and combined their fathers.

Calendar days start on Monday, not Sunday: It took me awhile to realize this but now, I kind of like it better. It makes more sense.

No 1 Euro bills: I don't know if this was universally known, but I never knew that they only had 1 euro coins, and no bills.

Flip Flops are only worn to the pool, or to the beach: This was one of the hardest things for me because I wear flip flops everywhere, to school, after sports practice, to the mall, wherever. I just throw them on and I'm ready to go. I did that in the beginning here, not knowing, and I got some pretty weird looks walking around town. My family explained it to me laughing the whole time when I told them that in the US, we wear them EVERYWHERE.

No ice cubes: Another hard thing for me to accept. Most of you know that I put ice cubes in EVERYTHING. I love having a really cold glass of water, or even an orange juice with ice cubes in the morning. Here, ice cubes are only found in restaurant and bars and even there, you only get a single ice cube for your whole drink. I guess I'll be coming back with a new appreciation for room temperature drinks?

Milk doesn't go in the refrigerator: I'm still trying to figure out how the dozens of milk cartons in the pantry don't go bad.

The food schedule: This totally threw me off at first. Breakfast is normal, before school. Lunch is after school around 3, it is the biggest meal of the day. Merienda around 7 which is basically a scheduled snack time. Dinner is around 10 and is light.

Braids: NO ONE wears braids. I feel like I stick out so much when I show up to track practice with my braided pony tail. I love my braids though so that's not changing!

I'm 1.62 meters!! 

Spanish friends!

Now just a few things about school:

No lunch at school: There is a 30 minute "Recreo" halfway through the day where students can eat sandwiches that they backed from home.

Lecture Lecture Lecture: Classes seem to just be lectures. The teacher stands at the front of the room and just talks for 50 minutes. This is extremely hard for me 1. because I can't understand half of what they're saying 2. I'm so tired sometimes I find myself sleeping with my eyes open (is that possible?) and 3. WFS was never like that so it's just something I've never experienced.

Dates seem more important than concepts: At least in my Social Studies class, this seems to be true. The teacher will randomly call on students and ask them things like "What was the government system of the Early Modern Age?" or, "What year was the french revolution?" I was so embarrassed when the teacher called on me and asked "What year was the American Revolution?" and I totally blanked. My classmates were so surprised that I didn't know. Ugh.. Social studies has always been my worst subject.

Math: 1,000 is written 1.000 and a decimal like 3.879 is written 3,879 so that totally threw me off in the beginning. Still haven't gotten used to that.

Students: While the teacher lectures in the front of the room, it seems optional whether to listen to them or not. Most teachers ignore the groups of students in the back of the room just socializing the whole class. Paying attention is definitely not required.

Grades: There is no secrecy to students grades. The first day of Lengua, each student had to shout out their final grade from last year so the teacher could record it in her book. In Ethics the other day, the teacher read through everyones grades, comments included, in front of the whole class. (I got a 6/10!!!! I was so happy! That's basically like a C/B- in the US.)

So as the days start moving quicker, and the smiles come more easily, I realize just how lucky I am to be here. A piece of my heart will always remain in Delaware, with all the people I love so much. Especially during hard times like these, when tragedy strikes back home, I wish I could take the next plane back, and just hug everyone. I just want to be there physically and not with a computer screen to separate us. To all my friends and family back home, I love you so much and I think about you all the time.

Please pray for Aly Mitchell <3

Some advice for hard times abroad:

I have done, what I'm sure most AFS students do. I went through all the orientations, read all the booklets, and completely ignored the advice they gave me. I never thought I'd be the one who was having problems with their host family, but I am. I thought I was strong enough to get past culture shock and homesickness without a tear, but I wasn't. These things hit me, they hit me hard, and I was completely blind to their source. I thought everything was the problem, but myself. I pointed fingers at my host family, at my town, at my school, at AFS, but not until today did I realize that all of those people, they're all just trying to help.

 I'm my own problem. I am holding myself back. I am living in comparison heaven. "They don't get along like my family at home does." "The style here is so much worse." "The classes are so much easier" "I'm embarrassed by my family." ect. It was never ending. That's when I realized, AFS knows what they're talking about when they make their motto, "It's not bad, it's just different." If I wanted same old Delaware, I should've stayed in Delaware. I laugh when I look at these things now because even though it is so different here, it is so the same as well. My family doesn't always get a long perfectly either, but we still love each other more than anything. The style anywhere depends on the person! I could wear a trash bag and rain boots to school and that would be my style, but I prefer jeans. The classes are easier?? How is that bad? Thank god Ms. Miller put me though math classes when I thought my brain was actually going to explode, because she set my up for success here. And who isn't a little embarrassed by their family? I know my family can be so embarrassing back home sometimes, but that doesn't mean I love them any less!

Basically what I'm trying to say is that nothing in life will ever be perfect, but it's how we deal with those imperfections, how we learn to accept them, live with them, and even love them, that makes us who we are. I knew I was taking a risk by being an exchange student, I knew there were going to be ups and downs, but I never thought they would be so dramatic, and so close together. Some days I feel like I might be going into depression, all I want to do is shut myself in my room, curl up with my grandmother's blanket and listen to John Mayer, and other days I'm bouncing off the walls, so excited to go out, speak spanish, and make new friends.

So to all current AFS students, or future AFS students, please keep your head up. I know that during the hard times, all people can say to you is, "It will get better." But by sitting in your room, skyping with old friends, and avoiding all contact with spanish people, it will not get better. (I say this from experience) You need to put in the effort to get something in return. Talk to people. But don't talk to people back home. Talk to your AFS liaison, they know exactly how you are feeling and they give the best advice. Talk to fellow AFSers. They are most likely feeling the same thing and together, as long as you stay positive, you can help each other. And talk to your family. If they don't know you're unhappy, they will never change. They are volunteers. They are not being paid for this. They did this because they want you to be happy, they want you to experience a new culture, to have the time of your life, and to feel like you have people who love you while you do it.

It takes time. It takes time to build trust, to form relationships, to get used to a new language and a new culture. It takes a lot of time. But that's why you are there for 9 months, not 9 weeks. I know that in between time sucks. I made it so much harder on myself, instead of just enjoying my time here. As long as you try, nothing can go wrong. Either you adjust and you're happy, or you figure out the problem and you fix it. I know this quote is so overused but seriously, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination." I love being happy. And I seriously missed being happy and not forcing a smile or laughing at something I didn't understand. Being honest with yourself is the first step.

If anyone is reading this and wants help or advice on anything PLEASE email me. mobrien1300@gmail.com  I'll be happy to help.

Keep smiling!

Second Day of School

I just wanted to write a post about my second day of school so I can reasure you that I'm not dying over here. I know I left the first day of school post a bit depressing... I'm sooo happy to say that the second day was extremely better. I have begun to know some of my classmates names already, and word is quickly spreading around school that there's an American here. When I walked into my 5th period arts class, a group of girls pointed at me and said, "Ay! Ella es la americana!" (Hey! She's the american!") So I'll go through my schedule today:

Biology- The teacher is an old women who couldn't be sweeter. She speaks slowly so I can understand and she uses a lot of examples and shows pictures so I can follow along with the other students. All the seventh grade biology is still yet to come back to me but I have hope for this class.

Physics and Chemistry- The first class that I haven't known anyone. A nice girl sat next to me but we didn't talk much. The teacher seems funny, well at least the students laugh at him a lot, but I can't understand him. He speaks very fast and doesn't pronunciate. Also he made a joke out of me coming from USA but I didn't catch it.

Lengua- Definitely going to be the hardest class. It's equivalent to our english classes back home. Essays, short stories, books on books on books. I talked to the teacher after class and she was very nice and said she totally understands that the first few months are going to be hard for me. So phew that's out of the way.

English- I was so excited for this class because I thought I would ace it but the whole hour we were in class, there was not one word of english spoken. The teacher says she wants to move me out because it will be too easy but I want to stay because it will be the only class I can actually excel in.

Art- The teacher speaks a little bit of english, and she seems knowledgeable about all the in things. She talked about Facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogspot, ect. not sure exactly how that relates to art but yea...

Bilingual History- This is my favorite class so far. I found two girls that are funny and nice to sit with right in the beginning. Most of this class is in english so it will be easier for me. It's fun because the teacher and students rely on me to translate complicated sentences, or fix a pronunciation issue. The teacher doesn't know how to control a classroom though, and the students take advantage of it so much.  He kinda resembles a bird, so whenever he turns his back to the room, some of the students spread their  arms into wings and make bird like sounds just loud enough for the teacher to hear. I can tell this will be an entertaining class.

This emotional rollar coaster that I'm on is throwing me everywhere. It's crazy how fast my mood can change. I've just got to make the best out of everything. Days like this remind me that I actually can do this.

First Day of School

First thing I learned today: follow the advice of people who went before you. Against everyone's advice, I decided to wear a dress. I love dresses and I wear them all the time at home so I thought it'd be normal! When I got to school, I was the only girl not wearing skinny jeans and converse. I could not have stuck out more in my pink dress. Everyone looked my way when I walked by, knowing I was new. The good thing about today is I didn't have to talk much. Just like back home, the first day, the  teachers talked about their class, expectations, blah blah blah. At least I could understand it back home. Here, no matter how hard I tried to pay attention, I would space out after 5 or 10 minutes. By last period "Lengua" (Language) class, my brain was fried.

me on the first day!

I expected people to be more welcoming. The teachers never really addressed me, but it was clear they all knew I wasn't from Spain. Only the biology teacher tried to have a conversation with me, which only lasted a minute or two because there was nothing we could talk about. As for the students, they were as chaotic, troublemaking, and talkative as any highschooler. The hard thing is, I know that if I were back home, I'd be the one socializing with my friends in the hallways, running up to people I hadn't seen all summer to give them hugs. Today though, I was that awkward new kid. I went to the class I was suppose to and I sat where I was suppose to, without talking to anyone. I've never been a new kid before, so it was odd. I did think though, that the students would be more welcoming. At least at my school back home, whenever there's a foreign exchange student, everyone wants to get to know them. No one would ever be mean to a foreign exchange student. But this school is not my school. At their equivalent of recess, I was once again awkwardly standing with a group of my host sister's friends and a group of guys kept looking at me. They would say something, obviously I don't know what, and then point, or laugh, or jump around from excitement. I just hated it because there was nothing I could do, definitely nothing I could say, so I just stood there and let them make fun of me.

Sometimes during the day, it took every once of strength I had not to cry. Being in a strange school, with a bunch of kids I have never met, all speaking a language I know just a little about... It was a lot. Everything at once is hard. Having a hard time at home, and then going to school and also having a hard time.. it's just not fun. It's only the first day so I hope that it will get better. Everyone keeps saying it will but they don't have to live through the hard times.

I really wish I had someone to go to. Not someone online, someone who's actually in the room with me. Someone who can comfort me and give me advice and make me laugh when I'm about to cry. I miss having that.

So the first day of school was hard, and i'm sure there will be many more hard days, but I'm still hopeful. I'm not giving up.